how to not to be not better

i have fallen into my own pool of mistakes. have you ever thought of being not good enough? not good enough for your life? not good enough for your peers? not good enough to the essence or notion of life around you? ever felt that life was cruel and fate was disobedient by the fact that you absolutely confident that you just did your best and you just did not get what you want? ever felt that you wanted to do better, although toughness keeps calling for future needs and you just can't go on? ever felt that you wanted to give up? ever felt that the life is so pathetic that you want to turn back around? well, heads up. pick your spot. spray the load. lay em off. spread the words. behave your mind. think your thoughts. the answer is simply jihad.

lets get the fact straight. with all of the posts that i have published. dear strangers, i just wanna say that, i am no religious person. i am no pious girl. i am no president  or whatever. i am simply a human who spread the words that i know is right. but knowing is such different than that of the act of practising. there's a theodicy talk in my campus a while ago. its not the word of God or Evil that captured my attention. it was simply a question from an anonymous about , "is Jihad evil?". the speaker gave a very clear view on why the real jihad is, not whatsoever, evil. i was amazed, that as a matter of fact, i am a selfish, forgetful, and an ignorant person. people hear the word Jihad everyday. my fellow muslim peers know the very exact definition of Jihad. But the reality is, we, oh wait, I failed to use this very greatful tool to not to be not better, in life.

but still, confusion strucks my thought a while ago. the requirement to use this very tool is totally difficult. i mean, it starts for your ethics. from your daily practise. from the way you think or the way you act. and if that is logic and do-able, would we make that as our everyday norms? probably istiqamah is the hardest part, at least that what i think. when i say jihad, i am not talking about doing full time ibadah such as 'solat sunat', etc.; all the time. dont get me wrong. what do i mean is that; performing your everyday usual norms, in a far more, optimistically better way. when you soccer, shoot the ball as hard as you can. when you study, read more. when you jump, bounce it hard. when you walk, pace further away. there is more to life than just looking back. so, keep getting better okay? ;)